Reviews of Things I Have

I had myself an Angry Whopper from Burger King for lunch the other day, and, let me tell you, it may have been the angriest sandwich I have ever purchased.

The whole thing was sort of a mess, and it left me feeling confused, bloated, and on the verge of implosion.

For those who are unaware, the Angry Whopper is a BK Whopper hamburger with the traditional fixings, plus pepperjack cheese, jalapeños, “Angry Sauce,” and “Angry Onions.” (The last two items are what give the sandwich its upset personality, and, as far as I can tell, are on no other items in the Burger King Menu.) I think mine may have had bacon on it too. I don’t recall; my memory is blurry.

The jalapeños were spicy but not too spicy. The sauce was pretty hot as well but equalized a bit by the mayonnaise. The “Angry Onions” were comparably somewhat spicy and may or may not have been mostly/entirely synthetic like maraschino cherries… I didn’t question it.

Like many fast food items, the first bite of the Angry Whopper was ravenous. The second, slower but still determined. The third, cautious and modest. And so on and so on, until the last bite was taken as if it were the desperate, final lashing of a cruel and merciless torturing.

In conclusion, I give the Angry Whopper from Burger King 1 “Oh, my God, what did I just eat?” and 2 “Uhhhgggg, why do I do this to myself?”s.

Also, the fries were a little too greasy.